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(5080 hits. Posted 2003/08/01)
# i wonder does someone of you all great pkilers evr try to read 
# anything in pk zone - try this one

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Message 4 : [General] The Lord of the Rings [condensed] (Quickening)
Written on Sun Dec 18 22:05:44 1994

Ok, I abbreviated the buffer here, to keep with the two page limit.
So grab a cup of tea, or whatever, and settle down to read the TRUE
story of what happened in the Lord of the Rings.

   Bilbo was having a birthday party for him and Frodo, and everyone
was invited. Many people came to join the happy celebration.
Bilbo narrates 'wow! I finally got to the fourth age bracket!'
Frodo narrates 'yeah, but your moves suck now, all you got is mana...'
Bilbo narrates 'well, maybe I'll learn colour spray, to help me hunt
   in the warrens.'
Bilbo stops using a ring.
Bilbo dissappears in a puff of smoke.
Bilbo tells you 'don't worry, I got a trans to Rivendell...'

Now, one of the visitors was the Wizard Gandalf the Grey... And Frodo
and Gandalf began to talk...
Frodo says 'so why are you in the shire now?'
Gandalf says 'well, besides this birthday party, I need to get evil to
use a fang... it's a great weapon. Much better than my old thorn.'
Gandalf says 'besides, I can't backstab with Glamdring very well'
Gandalf looks at Frodo.

*>l frodo
Frodo is in excellent condition.
<worn on finger>     a ring
<worn on finger>     The One Ring! It has a soft humming sound...
Gandalf begins some strange incantations...
Gandalf utters the words 'fireball'
Gandalf swears loudly for a long time.
Gandalf says 'damned newbie protection'
Gandalf now thinks to himself, hmm, if I can't get him to give it to me, 
maybe if I convince him to go someplace dangerous, I can loot his corpse.
So Gandalf convinces him to go on a long journey...

Gandalf says, 'now be careful of Tom Bombadil's house, I hear that orcs
hang out there now.'
Gandalf says 'and remember! use brief mode! to save net usage!'

Now, the rumour of Frodo's ring had spread, and other people than 
Gandalf wanted this ring also. And as Frodo slept, others arrived before
he started his journey. But more feared than Saurons ringwraiths arrived
to claim the prize also... Someone even more deadly than Sauron himself!

Sometime that night...
Samwise narrates 'Frodo! wake up! they are here! Run!'
Guards burst in through the keyhole, to come to their master's aid!
Frodo narrates 'damn! help trans! Chief of Tharbad is here!'
Frodo panics, and attempt to flee, but can't find an exit!

North - a 'locked' door

*>open door
It seems to be locked!
The chief of Tharbad slashes your body to small fragments.
The Guard joins his fight!
The guard joins his fight!
The guard joins his fight!
Frodo begins some strange incantations....
Frodo utters the words 'teleport'

The Old Forest

Frodo made his way through Old forest, and makes it into the wightlord.
Frodo is incapacited, and Gandalf arrives, and Solos the Wightlord.
As a result, the lord is upped, now casting fear, no longer is affected
by combat spells, and has 22 nobles that spam 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'
Samwise gets a wightblade.
Samwise wields a wightblade, looking evil-minded.
Pippin gets a wightblade.
Pippin wields a wightblade, looking evil-minded.
Gandalf says 'those blade are from the barrows, and are very good.'
Gandalf gets a ruby ring.
Gandalf wears a ruby ring on his left finger.
GAndalf says 'how much does the One ring weight Frodo? would you check?'
Frodo stops using the One ring.
Frodo drops the One ring.
Frodo says '1/2 kg.'
Gandalf gets the One ring.
Gandalf cackles in Frodo's face.
GAndalf puts the One ring on his finger, but is zapped by it!
GAndalf says 'ack! i was wearing another ring at the same time!'
Frodo gets the One ring...
Frodo growls menacingly.

So the party makes its way towards Rivendell. They pick up Strider on
the way. Barliman was very suspicious of him, and would't let him have
a room, because he was over level 15 however... but during the night,
they are attacked!

Frodo wears the One ring on his finger.
Frodo fades invisible!
Gandalf yells 'idiot! they see invisible! everything does!'

But they ride for the safety of Rivendell once again.
Coming closer, they meet Glorfindel.
Glorfindel says 'Frodo, can you ride? take my horse, and spam east!'
Glorfindel says 'why don't you just cast breath of briskness Gandalf?'
Gandalf says 'saving for backstab for my fang...'
Frodo makes it across the ford, and later the rest of the team arrives.
Glorfindel says 'any of you guys evil?'
They arrive safely in Rivendell.
Arwen Undomiel says 'if you follow me, I will show you around?'
Elrond looks at Gandalf.
Elrond says 'You stray from the path...'

Later that night...

*>who god
Dand the None (Linkless)
Frodo has lost his link.
Bilbo has arrived from the south.
Bilbo gives a mitheral coat to Frodo.
Bilbo gives an elven short sword to Frodo.
Bilbo gives some gold to Frodo.
Bilbo has left the game.
Frodo smirks.

*>who god
Dand the None (Linkless)
Frodo yells 'ok, i'm ready now!'

Gandalf narrates 'is moria open yet?'
Slayer narrates 'dut go to the Balrug, it killd me! Ariakas load it onme!'

The company descends into Moria, and escapes. Gandalf gets caught with
the Balrog though, and runs into a deathtrap to save xp loss. However,
looses Glamdring in the process.

The company is now outside, and is encountering cold weather...
Aragorn says 'I hate snow!'
Frodo sings 'slow!'
Legolas says 'you know, I wish elves knew how to run on snow, that would
be a neat trick... to bad we elves don't know how to do that...'
Gimli says 'I hear that trolls know how to run on top of snow! they can
run without sinking through!'
Legolas says 'shoulda played my troll...'

But they get through the snow, cause they all go linkless until the
season changes. They never figured out how the weather changed however.
They blamed it on orcs with control weather, until someone pointed out
that orcs don't have control weather, that it was a whitie spell.

Boromir looks at Frodo.
Boromir says 'gimmi that ring or I kill all your characters.'
Frodo panics, and attempts to flee.
Samwise narrates 'ORCS! HELP ORCS! '
Boromir narrates 'YES! I get WPS now! how many does Amber have?'
Boromir slashes *an orcs* hand to small fragments.
*An orc* shoots Boromir's hand.
*An orc* shoots Boromir's head.
*An orc* utters the words 'hold person'
(200 arrows later)
Boromir is dead! R.I.P.
An Old man gets the corpse of Boromir.
*An orc* kills an Old man!
*An orc* yells 'argh, i cant lift the corpse from the old man corpse!'
The corpse of the old man decays.

To be continued.

--> second one :

read nextMessage 5 : [General] The Lord of the Rings [condensed] Part II (Quickening)
Written on Sun Dec 18 22:35:01 1994

Well, Boromir ran out to try to get his corpse, but died to a ferocious
warg cause he had no weapon and was at awful, and decided to quit for
seven weeks until he got age again. 

However, during the melee, the hobbits got seperated.
Pippin and Merry were all alone, but captured by orcs!
Ugluk looks at *a hobbit*.
Ugluk says 'I think we should just kill them... but Sauron says no.'
RumpleBarc says 'yeah! kill them!'
Slushy says 'NO! let them be!'
Kurgan says 'and who are you to stop us>?'
Fnineteen looks at Slushy.
FNineteen slashes Mograth's head into small fragments!
Moonchild joins FNineteen's fight!
Hairball joins Mograth's fight!
--- So it was thus that Slushy convinced the orcs to only capture them---

Merry narrates 'orcs have us, near plains!'
And two hundred men set out on horseback with lances to attack them.
Ugluk says 'we can't fight them at day, cause uruk-hai means only that
we can move during day.'
Killjoy says 'But we are the fighting Uruk-hai! we fight in the sun!'
Cavalier says 'we get penalties while fighting in sun killjoy...'
But the men attacked during the night anyway, cause they got lagged and
by the time they reconnected, it was sundown, and they knew that they
could never catchup with them on horses, cause with two hundred mounts
refusing... (and not one of them knew breath of briskness)
*A human* bellows 'Charge!!!!'
*A human* bellows 'Charge!!!!'

*A human* runs into a flowerbush.
The *orc* has arrived from the north.
The *orc* smites the *human's* hand into small fragments.
*A human* narrates 'dumb lances! I thought they were improved!'
*A human* barely tickes the *orc* with his charge.
*A human* stops using a lance.
*A human* swiftly draws a horn, looking evil minded.
*A human* pierces the *orc's* head to small fragments!
And so the battle went...

But Merry and Pippin found a forest where they found talking trees!
The ent says 'I hate those orcs, they always kill us for experience...'
Gandalf suddenly fades into existance.
Gandalf utters the words 'charm person'
So Gandalf, with an army of charmed ents, went to battle Saruman'f fort.
Gandalf orders his followers to 'assist Gandalf'
The ent joins Gandalf's fight!
The ent joins Gandalf's fight!
The ent joins Gandalf's fight!
The hungry warg joins Gandalf's fight!
The trained horse joins Gandalf's fight!
The Queen Bee join's Gandalf's fight!
And thus, the orcs and Saruman were served another defeat.

But the real battle was with Samwise and Frodo, for they had stumbled
into a tight spot, narrated for transes, and Brutus the evil Transer
had transed them west of Rivendell into Mormeag's lair!
Mormaeg hits Frodo's left foot and reduces it to small fragments.
Frodo is incapacated, and will die soon, if not aided.
Samwise draws an elvish shortsword, looking evil-minded.
Samwise draws a wightblade, looking evil-minded.
Mormaeg makes a strange gurgling sound as Samwise places an elvish short
sword in her back.
Mormaeg makes a strange gurgling sound as Samwise places a wightblade
in her back.
Mormaeg panics, and attempts to flee.
Samwise tries to practice his art on Frodo, but to no avail.
Samwise successfully practices firstaid on Frodo!
Frodo is lying here, bleeding to death.
Well, Samwise for six hours kept using firstaid, until someone told him
That it would not work.
Samwise has lost his link.
Sammercaster arrives in a puff of smoke!
Sammercaster utters the words 'heal'
Sammercaster dissappers in a puff of smoke!
Samwise hugs Frodo.

With the help of Gollum, they got to Mount Doom, but almost got demoted
for cooperating with Darkies.
Gollum says 'my precious, give it to me, my precious!'
Frodo says 'NO! the ring is mine! I shall rule Tharbad now!'
Frodo wears the One ring.
Frodo fades from sight.
Gollum utters the words 'detect invisibility'
Gollum utters the words 'detect invisibility'
Gollum squeals, as his spell backfires!
Gollum lies down, and goes to sleep.
Gollum wakes up.
Gollum quaffs a muave potion.
Gollum bites Frodo's body hard!
Frodo pierces Gollum's body and reduces it to small fragments!
Gollum shouts 'Damn Elven swords of Wizkill!'
Gollum is dead! R.I.P.
Frodo is zapped by an orkish scale shirt, and drops it.
Frodo is awarded for outstanding performance.
Frodo is zapped by the One ring, and drops it.
Frodo is awarded for outstanding performance.
The mountain quakes!
Frodo narrates 'TRANS'
Gandalf narrates 'rem rings'
Frodo narrates 'I can't! It's Cursed!'
Gandalf narrates 'I'm going to kill Chan if I see him again!'
Chan narrates 'ha ha, I've got newbie protection!'

And so, the story of the Lord of the Rings was unfolded....
 Very nice, I would like to see this log in the 'notables' section! 

2003/08/01 21:22, Sardotjen:   
To much...crap!
Btw 'control weather' is a orc spell last time i checked.

2003/08/01 21:58, Eolo: 
Glorfindel says 'why don't you just cast breath of briskness Gandalf?'
Gandalf says 'saving for backstab for my fang...'

Hahahahah Gandalf the combo =)

2003/08/02 04:00, Deimus: 
Sardotjen are you so new to the game that you didn't know this story is YEARS old?

Perhaps you need to be schooled on the syntax of board reading, so that you can spew your constant stream of phallic compensating insults there as well.

2003/08/02 06:06, Gabor:   
Even I know its old!

2003/08/02 07:18, Adaric:   
*sniff* ah, the memories! When fangs were evil weapons... I always liked reading through these old posts, specially while waiting those last few minutes in retirement... *think* a pity they got rid of narrates and songs in halls, but at least there's no longer any spam there.

2003/08/04 08:38, Gray: 
Not sure if these ancient posts are still saved anywhere, but they for sure exist on my page, in ainur-only part.

2003/08/04 10:16, Adianc:   
Lost Mume-Realms it looks like :-)

2003/08/04 13:58, Vaire: 
I think some of them are on the Tales board.

2003/08/04 14:33, Uther: 
I remember being online when Quickening wrote those posts (which, btw, are/were in the general board). Mume practically ground to a halt because of how many people were gasping for breath, from laughing so hard :).

And yes, the log is old (late 1994). The good old 'hits your body and reduces it to small fragments!' day.


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